I Can’t Tell You I Love You (But I Do)

By Alexandria Brown

Image result for lonely girl on a swing

I look at you as more than what you are to me currently. Because to me you are everything. Everything I’ve ever wanted but mostly because you treat me as though I matter. As if my opinions and everything I want is important to you too. And that’s what love is.

But I can’t tell you I love you.

I can’t tell you that every night before I go to sleep I think about you. I think about you when it’s dead at work and I’m just wishing I’m anywhere else. I think about you when I can’t get through the day without wanting to cry. You are home to me and just hearing your voice reminds me how that feels.

And when people ask me if I’m in love with you I tell them no. Because I don’t want to be the cause of losing you. Even though we mean so much to each other, it doesn’t mean that we need to be together. That’s when the lines of loving someone and being in love with someone are blurred. And my lines with you are so blurry. I can’t even tell you what’s going on in my mind and my heart because I don’t know.

Sometimes we’re meant to meet someone who takes our breath away but not get to be with that person. And it’s unfair. It’s so unfair that we are surrounded by their beauty but we can’t touch them. We can’t tell them how much they mean to us without giving away our secret. We can’t let them know that they’re the last thing we see at night and the first name we breathe as we wake up.

We can learn so much from each other but only if we keep it to the capacity that it’s at. And I’m not fully sure risking everything to tell you my feelings would be the smartest because I don’t feel as though we’re on the same page. And that’s OK. It’s OK to not be exactly at the same moments in life. It’s OK to not feel the same kind of attraction. But let me tell you something, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done to keep my mouth shut about this.

Because I can feel myself breaking. I feel my tongue waiting to betray me. To tell you that I am so completely into you. So completely enamoured by everything you are. And it has nothing to do with outward beauty and everything to do with the gorgeous soul that lies deep within you. And what’s crazy is you don’t see how stunning, how captivating, how incredibly amazing every piece of you is.

So our future looks like this. We keep things the way it is. Because even though I want to love you, I am nowhere near ready too. And while I’m taking my time to get ready to love you, you might meet someone else. You might meet them and love them more than you could ever love me. And they’ll love you just as much. Because you are that person. The person people fall for immediately.

But don’t ever feel sorry for me. Never feel like I’ve lost out because I’ve never gotten to love you in that way. Because the love that I’ve gotten from this is so much better. You have shown me that people like you exist and that makes me fair better off than most.

And if we ever did cross paths as lovers instead of friends, I know that I wouldn’t need anyone else.

You are the ultimate. You would be my ultimate. So maybe we’ll end up together or maybe we won’t but all I know is this; as long as you exist in my world, I’ll be happy. No matter what capacity.



Movie Review: Moana

When I first saw the trailer of Moana, it got me pretty excited. I thought it was refreshing and visually appealing.



As the only heiress of the chief, Moana is obligated to take after her father and lead their people into the same island living as what has been accepted traditionally. But fate has something else planned for Moana – that is to save her people from an inevitable catastrophe by searching for a legendary demi-god and bring back a lost treasure to its rightful owner.


Plot – it’s a little bit of a cliché but it is linear with just the right amount of conflicts and twist.

Soundtrack – it’s not the usual musical Disney film though it has a few song numbers which the film made fun from. I like the OST mainly because it was sang by Alessia Cara whom I like… :p But more than that, it got pretty, nice songs and having Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson sing… adorable. 🙂

Animation – from what I know, the hardest to animate are sand, hair/feathers and water. All these are present in this film and it’s visually stunning.



Characters – just your usual Disney cast – headstrong yet lovely “princess”, strict father, understanding mother, animal sidekick… you get the idea, just think of The Little Mermaid or other Disney films (just substitute some characters). Well, this formula works.


Over All Impression:

I don’t think it can be considered a Disney classic like Cinderella or Snow White or Sleeping Beauty but it has it’s own appeal. I heard a lot of giggles from the younger audience, but growing up with Disney movies, I was hoping that maybe their films should also grow up”. But who am I to say? I am not their target audience… hahaha!


Six tiaras out of ten.